Day 2

I don't want to be afraid or fight change

Here is hoping that I will get marriage right this time.  I was previously married and my ex-husband left me for another woman.  I love the man I’m presently married too but I have to admit marriage is a lot work and I wonder if I have what it takes to make it work.  I am truly blessed with this man now a days people don’t fight for their marriage anymore. Sometimes my insecurities get in the way a lot and some of it has to do with my age or my appearance.  These are things I need to deal with in order to make my relationship work whether it is in my marriage or with both our families.  My childhood pain has scarred me and I know that God has healed me from that but I don’t know how to move on.  I hate how my mouth gets me in trouble; I’m not the kind of person that knows how to talk with people.  When you first meet me I am super friendly but once you get to know me and you see my true colors that’s when I lose the friendships that don’t stand a fighting chance.  Sometimes I feel the need to be favored in a relationship, whether it’s with my step-mom, dad, brothers, cousin, daughter in law or friend.  No one ever acknowledges me and I feel the need to be loud and make a noise any way I can.  All my childhood and young adult I was always told to shut up and now I don’t know how.  I guess I don’t now because I feel the need to be heard but when I speak either say something mean or hurtful.  I want to be like E.F. Hutton, when I speak I want to be heard but I want to say words that are encouraging, motivating and inspirational but I don’t know how.  You know even writing this I don’t know if anyone will offer any advice, again, no one may even care so why do I bother?  I’m going to continue to post and if after 123 days I still don’t heal from the person I am now I can hold my head up high because I did my best to do what I needed to do to become a better person.   Here’s Tri signing off……………………until tomorrow.