Day 7 to my healing

Old leaves fall & new leaves grow

My body has been physically tired and I have problems sleeping but last night I slept 9 ½ hours, which has now put me on slow-mo for the entire day.  I’m not getting my work done in an efficient manner and I will not be completing the tasks I am to complete for the day.  I have to admit I feel rested body wise not so much as alertness or anything like that but I feel better than I have in weeks.  The busy weekend and the emotional stress put me in a category all on it’s own.  My husband and I had an overflow in our kitchen sink this past weekend and it was just what we needed on top of our busy and exhausting weekend.  Yesterday after our long day went to the sink to see if the dishes had been done & of course they weren’t so I ended up washing them.  It wasn’t a whole lot of dishes but enough to keep me busy and I was a bit perturb when I was doing them because my husband didn’t offer to help me and of course when I get upset I get quiet or I become extremely vocal.  When I came to bed my husband felt bad for not helping me and asked me if I could forgive him and usually I will tell him “I don’t want to talk about it or I’m upset right now” or give him the cold shoulder but I replied “I do forgive you” and he looked at me surprised.  I don’t think that was the response he thought he was going to get and it took him a while to process what I said that he looked at me for a facial response before he did or said anything.  When he smiled at me, I smiled back.  Perhaps this was a bit of a breakthrough for me?  Old leaves falling out leaving new leaves to grown next spring.  Let me know what you think.

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Day 6

Abandoned is what I felt like when no one was there for me in my happiness or sadness.

I’m very close to my late uncle’s in law family but 6 years ago I had an altercation with one of his nieces and to make a long story short we have always considered each other as family.  One of the cousins was going through a divorce when her soon to be ex-husband came to help me with home repair that she suggested.  Well upon pondering on the idea she changed her mind and called me and said she had a change of heart and didn’t want her husband to come and help me and I was ok with that despite the fact I needed help but I wanted to honor her wishes because she was like family to me and her older sister was going to be our witness’ when I was getting married.  My cousin came to help me; which she is related to the cousin that was getting the divorce.  When he showed up to do home repair I told him that I didn’t need his help after all and I didn’t want to upset my alleged cousin.  He didn’t take no for an answer and he said “I’m here to do a favor and I’m not leaving until I complete with what you needed done”.  I looked at my cousin and fiancé at the time and made the face “what do I do?”  My fiancé at the time didn’t know what to say and my cousin didn’t either so he did his thing and left.  Well when my cousin found out she was livid and when I tried to explain to her she wouldn’t listen and her whole family shun me out.  Her sister that was suppose to be our witness bowed out and her niece that was suppose to be our flower girl bowed out 2 weeks before our wedding.  Needless to say I was heartbroken because that whole family didn’t show up to our wedding and then 6 mo’s later my mom died and not one of them went to my mom’s memorial.  I was sad and heartbroken because I’ve been close to them since I was a baby.  Since then we have make peace w/each other but the closeness is not like it was.  Now that cousin’s mom is in the hospital and her heart is not doing very well and I wonder should I go or not?  I have always been there for that family and now I don’t know what I want to do; my heart is conflicted from the past pain but yet happy that we are on social graces now.  Please advise.

Day 5

DAY 5

How do I calm the storm between me & his family?

Well today I feel I gave my husband very bad advice.  It was his nephew’s 12th birthday party & I didn’t go because I’m not close to this family.  My husband txt me from the party that he felt bad that he didn’t have a gift for him but he had $10 cash on him and wanted to give to his nephew & I told my husband “Give him the $10 and I bet you $20 that he won’t say thank you.”  Then I proceeded to tell him when I went to my nephew’s party the night before, I showed up late and w/o a gift but yet my 6 year old nephew hugged everybody & thank them for coming to his party.  Well, when he came to me thank me, I told him he didn’t have to thank me because I didn’t get him a gift and he said “no, Aunt Tri, thank you for coming.”  I was filled w/such emotion and as for my husband’s nephews & niece they don’t even speak to us.  Their parents don’t teach them to say “hi” to us much less talk to us or thank us for birthday or Christmas gifts.  Does it make it right for me not to want to give them a gift because of this flaw that is no fault of their own?  My husband asked when does it become a child’s responsibility to say “thank you?”  That is a good question when does it?  I told him when they are about 15 years old; which one of his nephews will be next year and the other ones are still a little younger.  Was I wrong to say that?  I wonder if I feel that way because I’m not a fan of his sister in law and we have never liked each other or ever been close, is this why I feel this way towards her children?  It’s not their fault they have her for a mother.  I know I need to forgiveher for all that has happened between us but I have a hard time getting to that place of forgetting our differences and move on whether we’re close or not.  Well if you have anything to add please feel free to comment. Until then I hope to hear from you soon, getting lonely.