Day 12 to an Emotional Healing

Many directions?

Friday night my husband and I usually go out to eat and come home and rent a movie but my stomach wasn’t feeling very well so I told my husband if we could pick up something to eat, he said he wanted Carl Jr’s so I was fine w/that; the drive-thru was backed up and cars were blocking the people that were dining in.  One minivan almost hit us near the rear of our vehicle while backing out so my husband honked at him, we really couldn’t move & on top of that 2 more cars were trying to get out but we were at a standstill.  Mr. Minivan couldn’t wait so he got out of his car and told my husband to move forward, I told my husband “what is wrong w/him, we can’t move”, he was so persistent he started directing my husband to practically bump the car in front of us.  There were 2 other cars that were before Mr. Minivan that needed to pull out but they were waiting patiently.   I told Mr. Minivan that he was just going to have to wait his turn.  I turned to my husband & said, “When the line moves we’ll let the other 2 cars get out & the car behind us can let Mr. Minivan out.” The story could’ve ended there but my husband complied w/Mr. Minivan’s request because he’s an unassertive man & is constantly pleasing other people including myself.

If anyone in his family criticizes or puts me down he doesn’t say anything then when we get home, I’m angry and I’m become very vocal w/him.  Well, you can guess what happened next, I didn’t get quite as vocal as before but I did emit what I always emit to & that’s; “why don’t you ever defend me?”  Then to make matters worse I told him I wasn’t hungry (like pulling a tantrum).  While driving back home I was playing Sudoku on my phone when he made a sharp right turn which; had me sliding to his side & I hurt my left leg.  He apologized but I didn’t say a thing.  In the past I would have let him have it but this time I didn’t say a word, in fact I didn’t say anything the rest of the evening.  He apologized later again before going to bed then I apologized back to him. I read in a blog that “Rome wasn’t built in a day” & the lady metamorphically explained the meaning of that quote.  I know I was very wrong & I know that changing is not going to happen tomorrow oh, how I wish it did.  I know I behave this way because no one has ever defended me my entire life & now I’m married and he doesn’t defend me either.  I shouldn’t take it personally he’s not confrontational, he’s so opposite of me, he’s a loving, kind, compassionate godly man and is so easy going that most people are drawn to him, whereas I’m opposite.  I guess if you could describe me as an animal I would have to be the porcupine.  Maybe now this will explain my blog and my need to change, realllllyyy bad.  Please advice what do I do if this should happen again?