Well where do I begin, my husband and I went on a mini-vacation to visit a cousin in Dallas. She is also a born again Christian that I am so very close too. She is older than I am & I have a lot of respect for her because of her love for God. I learned quite a bit from her during our visit with them, we did so much every single day it was exhausting but fun. I saw something in her I had never seen before; I saw generational curses from her. She got after me a lot like she would her own children but I didn’t take any offense to them because I wanted to learn from her so I took it as a learning experience but on the night before we were leaving we had a slight disagreement and I saw how her son took offense to my reaction as to what my cousin said to me and her daughter gave me attitude. I wanted to cry because I felt almost attack but not in a bad way but in an emotional way. I didn’t know how to respond but I tell you this, I wanted to run to her daughter’s bedroom where we were staying and not come out until the next day when we had to leave.
Our time was great until that evening and then I was left with that question “would her kids ever want me to visit and stay with them again?” Even though I wasn’t at fault (for once) I still felt like I was. During our time there and from time to time my cousin would kind of snap at me or say something like “Tri, you need to do this or do that” I’m ok with proper discipline but I felt like I was being hit on the head. I never said anything because I respect her and she being a stronger Christian than me, I listened to whatever she said. But on that last night she snapped at me and I told her she needed to chill out and relax and then she said something back to me but this time I didn’t say anything back because I felt like if I had, her family would’ve attacked me regardless whether she was right or wrong.
I was afraid to say anything so I let it go and we kept on playing cards but I held in so much emotion but I pretended like it didn’t bother me and asked her what time were we going to leave the next day for our flight and then she was cool and answered with a comment like “maybe we can go out for breakfast” and I said “sure, that’s sound great” we kissed and said goodnight but I kept it inside until we got to our home and told my husband how I felt but during that time I saw my cousin’s mom in her. The attitude of saying something so hurtful to someone and to say it without any remorse of any kind and to do it with a devious smirk is not godly. The next day she gave us scriptures that she felt God was guiding her to give us. She wrote them down for us and shared them with us & I wonder how she just channeled what happened the night before to this godly woman in the morning when I realize I do that too.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I saw a side of me I didn’t like in her. I don’t want to be that Christian anymore where I say things that are hurtful and have no remorse as to whether I hurt your feelings or not. Don’t misunderstand me, my cousin is an exceptional godly woman but she has this attitude like I know more than you and I’m closer to God than you. After talking with my husband I realize that I was going to break and smash those generational curses on myself. I don’t desire to be that kind of Christian. I want God’s fruits to show through me, I want people to know that I am a child of a living God that loves and forgives. I opt that for my life from this day forward.