Day 27-31 A desperate need to change.

Who am I in Christ?

I’m a bit behind on my writing because we had the busiest weekend we have had in a long time.  Our Friday was the worst because we had so much to do w/things in our home and birthday gatherings Saturday & Sunday it was a complete chaos.  I felt bad abandoning my doggies this whole weekend we usually take them wherever we go but this was different we couldn’t take them this time.

I think I got ahead of myself in thinking I could do a “Prayer Request” in my blog.  I’m not ready, not by a long shot.  This whole weekend proved that I haven’t changed like I thought I had.  I’m too critical of people and say things that I shouldn’t and I only disappointed myself this weekend.  I thought about writing this weekend but I didn’t know what to say because I was so ashamed of myself that I didn’t feel like I wanted to share my shame.  I know God forgives us but there has to be a limit.  I know He must be so disappointed in me as well & He must say “what more do you need Tri to change?”

Every time I’m around family I become this person I don’t like, I am doing my best to separate myself from them but we have a tight-knit family that when we don’t show up for family gatherings such as birthday dinners or birthday parties they get questionable as to “why didn’t you come”  and there better be a good explanation.  The holidays are coming up and I’m dreading them.  I don’t know what to do because my loving husband loves being w/family both his and mine.  How can I change if I can’t separate myself from them? Help please.


8 thoughts on “Day 27-31 A desperate need to change.

  1. Thank you all for the comments, I have to admit they are all very good and I think actually that all of you are correct in your comments. The foundation to change is God first and foremost, w/o Him it’s impossible to change. I truly know this but I have struggled with this for several years and never got it because I was too prideful to see it and like the Israelites I’ve been going around the same mountain for 40 years (in a manner of speaking). I’m not liked by either sides of our family and then I saw why and when I did I asked God to help me and it has been for 7 years and now I got it…finally and so here I am, swallowing my pride and asking for help which is something I don’t do very well. I get criticized a lot that is why asking for help has never been my forte until now…..THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH!!! You don’t know how much you have helped me. Tri

  2. Hmm I think we have different opinions about god but if you think it has a limitation in it’s forgiveness it is only because you have to meet god the other half the way. What good is anybodies forgiveness if you yourself cannot forgive yourself. It can be tough to be around others who are different but it is in the presence of others we can declare who we are. When you find yourself in hard time ask yourself “who am I in this moment?” IMO it can be hard to forgive ourselves because we think we have to become perfect rather than declaring that we already are perfect. All the changes and growths and even the downfalls are perfect. May you see your perfection with everyday. Aloha.

  3. Hi Tri,

    Prayer is such a powerful for everything. Instead of changing by yourself, change with God. Change with your family. I think that it is still in the family where we can cultivate a good foundation of our lives, of who we are and of what we will become. Above all, put God in the center. 🙂 Don’t worry too much. Sometimes, the more we want to change, the more we become stagnant. Let it flow. Let go and let God do it because when God do the change in us, there are no worries at all, every thing will fall in their right places. Keep up the faith! 🙂

  4. God will use your family to help strengthen you – and hopefully use you to help them as well. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

  5. Tri, it seems that you are being hard on yourself. I believe we should strive for perfection, but at the same time we should accept our limitations and trust that God will guide us while we approach perfection. I would not keep away from family members in spite of differences, because I don’t think this helps you to grow spiritually. Growth takes some pain and discomfort sometimes, therefore spending time with others you probably don’t like or agree with will most likely help you to be stronger, patient, and compassionate. After all, isn’t this what Jesus would do?

  6. One of the wonderful character traits of God is he meets us where we are. He is not upset with you.He loves you. Keep moving forward following his lead. The Bible is the best place to hear him speak to you. Ask him to speak to you; and listen. He will. Just don’t expect it to be where you think it will be. God is very creative and has a sense of humor; look for it. And God wants you to think good thoughts about yourself. Blessings my friend….

  7. Hi Tri, we all have our weaknesses. We are all sinners saved by grace. Praise God that he doesn’t have a limit on forgiveness. For him to be disappointed in your actions would mean he didn’t know about them ahead of time. He did and they were covered by his blood. I have days when I cry out to him that how could I be his disciple when there still is so much ugliness in me? The truth is that he already knows my weakness. He already saw all the sins I would ever commit and he still has forgiven me. My salvation is based on what HE did – I have no righteousness of my own. Yes I have changed since Christ came to live in me. But I also still do what I don’t want to do.

    Just remember Tri, your righteousness is based on what Christ did not from what you do or don’t do. I will keep praying for you to feel released from your struggle. I will say that if I waited to have everything right in my life for me to pray for others – it would never happen!

  8. I think you do need to examine your life and see where God wants you to be but in the meantime, you NEED to get into the word of God and pray.

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