My view on Capitalism

Capitalism– economic system in which industry is privately owned.

Two years ago when my husband and I were looking for a house to purchase for the first time, our realtor took us to several homes that were foreclosed.  In my own stupidity I thought it was ok for her to show us these homes because she was helping us to find a home that was a lot of home but not a lot of money.  Upon viewing these homes I noticed a lot of them were badly damaged some had hope but others did not.  Our realtor told us that people would do this so that it would be harder for the bank to sell them.

Still perplexed about this information we saw a foreclosed home that we absolutely loved with a lot of potential behind the ruins and the price was a steal. We made an offer to the bank and it was accepted but when the Inspector came to the property they told us all the things that were wrong with it and there were stipulations to getting a FHA loan that others didn’t have because they had a higher Interest Rate.  Needless to say we didn’t get it and I’m glad we didn’t especially what I know now.  The house down the block from where we live now was almost considered condemned because it had cat feces, urine all over the home and it was in bad shape; it was also a foreclose home and was being sold at a dirt cheap price. 

What is my point?  Well, I’m glad God shut the doors for those homes that were foreclosed because these were homes that belonged to people who couldn’t continue the payments and the bank forced them out of their home and out of that anger they damaged the property making it difficult to resell. Even to those homes that were paid off but borrowed against their home for home improvements.  I’m not saying this is right but all the hard work and sweat they put in that homes were snatched away.

That home down the block from where we live now was bought from an Investor and was fixed up and now was valued at the price we brought our home.  But if you think about it our home is our home as long as we don’t default on the payments; the moment we do the bank will kick us out as well.  All that work we invested in our home for nothing.

As I looked at all the rooms in our home and our vehicles I realized that a small percentage was literally ours.  We have a vehicle that is a 2000 so it is almost 12 years old and she works but only when she chooses too.  Not very mechanics know what is wrong with this car so we keep saying that we need to get rid of it but don’t want to get in debt with another car payment but how bogus is that when we are in debt with the credit card companies and school loans.  Almost everything in our home is owned by some bank.  That my friend is Capitalism!  What happened to those days when we weren’t in debt with credit cards or in debt with student loans?  How did we get into this mess, and how do we get out? 

This is what God tells us about borrowing:

The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. – Proverbs 22:7

In Matthew 6:24, Jesus tells us that we can’t serve two masters. It is implied that we should serve God and nothing else. We serve God with our time. If we are in debt, we become servants to the banks and credit holders with our time until we payback what we owe. When we are loaded down with debt, we are spending our time serving our debt holders to pay them back. Therefore, we are not free to serve God with our time because our time is already accounted for.  When we borrow money, we are not operating in the blessing God has called us to according to Deuteronomy 28:12. In fact, when we borrow money, we are basically telling God “I cannot wait for you to get the money to me, so I will get it myself.” God should be our provider not the bank.   Article written by Amos Johnson, Jr PhD

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DAY 42 A sad Thankful Heart

I spent Thanksgiving with my dad, step-mom and 2 out of my 3 brothers, it was unusually quiet day because my nephews were with their mother and my husband was with his mom,step -dad, grandma, brothers, his dad and step mom with nieces and nephews.  I was thankful to God for blessing me for all that He has given me, my life is modest but compare to the instability I’ve had my whole life I am living comfortable now.  Don’t misunderstand me I wish I was working being a paid writer but right now that is not in the cards for me and for now I’m ok with it until I can get an article published.

My smiles on Thursday were spurious because my husband and I were spending Thanksgiving apart.  We’re not separated by all means, thank God but he choose to spend his day with his family and not with me and because of his choice I was sadden Thursday.  He showed up to my dad’s around 5:30 p.m., I was so shocked because I didn’t think he was going to show up.  We went outside my dad’s and he told me that our marriage is of God and I believe that but like I mentioned on a previous day on my blog, he doesn’t defend me when it comes to criticism from his family or when it comes to choosing holiday time.

So there are no longer two but one. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matt. 19:6

We made up like we always do but I don’t see how you can put a band-aid on a broken limb.  I told him that we needed to seek godly help in church and come Sunday he played the “I’m so tired” card.  I wonder just how much longer that band-aid will hold?

band-aids don't fix a broken heart

Day 41 Truly Thankful

     It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord…. Psalms 92:1

Remember  not just for today but for always, give thanks to God for He is good and His love endures forever!

Wow, here I am writing this and I’m amazed on what I went through the last few weeks to be here now giving Thanks to God, in the good times and in the those days that are not so good. I am grateful for day 41 and for the company of my Christian Bloggers who have stood by me when I was alone and afraid……to change.  The encouragement has been overwhelming but in the most positive way.

Happy Thanksgiving and May God Bless you

this day

Day 40 A Recovering Victim

last year's pies-pumpkin; good, apple; dry

Today is the eve of Thanksgiving and this year I am grateful/thankful for those I have met through my blog, those that have touched my heart in a way that has never been touched before.  I have strangers who have never met me be kind to me and show much love and teachings to me.  I wonder how can that be possible but then I’m reminded of God’s word that say’s “with God, all things are possible” Phil. 4:13.  I’m not used to kindness and that can be because I’ve been ruthless myself but at times I have been gentle, sometimes to gentle because I get my feelings hurt.  Sticking to the topic at hand I will thank God for sending His son Jesus to die for me and for healing me.  I believe that I will be a recovering victim, no longer hurt from the past.

I am on my way to my cousin’s house to do our traditional baking, every year for the past 12 years it has been a disaster with our baking.  Our pies get burned or the pecan pie is too watery or our apple pie is over baked on the inside, the only thing we seem to have mastered is our pumpkin pie and I don’t even like pumpkin pie.  Nevertheless, this is a tradition I usually look forward to because even though our pies are disastrous we get a good laugh.  This cousin is one of the few family members that I am close too and she’s not an affectionate person but she’s the kind of person that everybody loves and to be in her company is usually enjoyable.

A personal note from me to you, my blessing this Thanksgiving and for what I am truly grateful to God this year is all of you that have participated in my journey for healing.  Thank you for never judging me but most of all thanks for encouraging me.

Day 39 Back slide

Alone or not?

For the last few weeks I have been going through quite a bit, I know that time heals all wounds but for me it’s disappearing that heals all wounds.   I’ve been dealing with things in my life that are surfacing and on top of that I haven’t been at my best and whenever this occurs I shut down emotionally.  Does it make it right, does it make it go away, sure it does for the time being.  Do I just keep ignoring it and hope and pray that with time it will be forgotten?

I have a passion for writing and I love to write articles hoping and praying that one will get accepted and publish; I’m not hoping to become a famous writer or to even become a novelist.  The competition is tough out there for freelance writers and I’m not that great of a writer to be famous and honestly I’m ok with that.  When I started this blog, no one was reading it and I didn’t think it was good enough for anyone to be interested in it but I still wrote on it daily because I loved writing but these last few weeks I haven’t wanted to write.  The passion wasn’t there.

I know that God loves me when I’m at my best and even when I’m not but in soul of my heart I can’t phantom that concept because I’ve always been a disappointment to my parents and family.  People have told me all my life that I would mount up to be nothing.  Like everybody tells me “you have to be the best writer to get published.”  I’ve had yet to publish an article and no one has ever had faith in me to stand by me or believe in me.

My husband whom is a wonderful man loves me unconditionally and encourages me to continue and not give up but when his family tells me to find another path of career he doesn’t defend me with his family and this puts me emotionally to my past.  Every time I was beaten by a relative my dad would tell me to just stay out of their way, he saw the bruises and cuts and did nothing only because he didn’t want me and to this day he still doesn’t.  His constant rejection has moved to his wife and sons, my brothers.

Do I choose to go down or up?

 I am so tired of being a nothing in their lives that I’ve been at ends with my husband and instead of moving forward I’m reverting to the old me.  I can’t live my life anymore with a broken past and I can’t worry whether someone has faith in me to become somebody.  Starting this blog brought me to a point where I thought I was taking baby steps forward in my life of healing; this chaos in the last few weeks has had me take giant steps backwards causing me to back slide in the hopes of healing.  ‘

I began to doubt myself as a writer and/or as a godly woman, I started to allow the enemy to convince me that I was a nothing a nobody and maybe I am to my family or even to others but to God I am somebody.  The pain of it all is I know this but why don’t I know that in my heart of hearts? Having your input on my blog has made me feel like somebody cared enough to share their thoughts or advice.  You all have been more of an inspiration than anyone has ever been in my life.  Because of the caring and loving comments I didn’t think I was worthy of being acknowledge.

I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

Day 33-38 The Whole Truth

fast life, slow healing

It’s been awhile since I have posted on my blog, my days have been so busy and although, I don’t have any children I’ve still been so busy.  I’m so behind in housework and such that I get overwhelmed and then I feel like I’m having panic attacks.

Another reason is, I was too embarrassed to tell you that my healing seems to have fallen to the back burner.  The truth is I’ve been such a mess and I felt like I do when I go to church to get prayer about something specific.  I begin to talk w/an elder at church and when they see me again and ask how I’m doing I lie to them by saying I’m fine when in reality I’m not.  I don’t want them to know that I’m still battling that dilemma; I’m afraid they’re going to think bad about me so I pretend they helped me and I’m doing great.

I tell myself that I’m calling it by faith that I am doing great.  Some Christians say “yes, you are calling it forth…..your doing great and just praise God for it.”  Well, what I don’t get is that I’ve been saying things as though they were but yet here I am, an emotional disarray and still haven’t gotten over my emotional pain that has caused me anger, frustration of not changing and for being so critical of others.  I say things that are not always nice to people.  I feel the need to give you my opinion even if you didn’t ask.  I am kind to strangers but not kind to those around me like my spouse, my family and my husband’s family.

I will say this and it’s not anything major but when I do say something snide to a family member or my husband I do apologize which I didn’t do before.  But the thing is, why say anything at all, why can’t I just SHUT my mouth?!!  I hate this quality of mine and I remind myself of my mom and my dad when I behave like this.  My dad would tell me all the time “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” and yet he is very verbal & not always nice.

I was so afraid if I posted the real battle of my personality you all wouldn’t like me and would not care about what I had to write.  My apologies for not sharing this until now; you all have helped me with your suggestions and I pray to God that you will continue to give them to me but I pray you will keep me in your prayers.

DAY 32 Rivalry to love?

Love one another

Today (Tues.), I went w/my mother in law to the Dentist and after that we went and made some errands and as usual we were laughing and joking like we always do when we’re together.  While out, her other daughter in law called and needed her for something.  I heard my mother in law say “well I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be but I’ll call you if I’m done early”, apparently she didn’t tell her she was w/me for whatever reason.

I asked my mother in law why she didn’t tell her that we were together and she told me it was because she thinks that she gets jealous when we’re together.  Funny she should say that about her because I’ve been the jealous one for 11 years; my brother-in-law and his wife have 3 children and my husband and I cannot have any kids so they have always had an advantage over us because she loves being w/her grandkids.  They also live 3 minutes away and we live 12 miles from my in-laws and we don’t get to spend time together because she is always taking care of her grandkids.

I’ve always felt left out because she was the first in the family for 10 years before I came to the picture; she and my brother-in-law have been married for 21 years and, although, my husband is 10 years younger than his brother they have always been close.  From day one we have clashed and there has definitely been sister-in-law rivalry between us.  We both have lost our mothers, she lost hers when she was 4 years old and I lost mine 5 years ago. We are ALL born-again Christians but as sister in-laws we don’t really like each other, sad huh?

The last time I saw them was in June; I steer clear by avoiding them, I know this is bad but that’s how I felt. On this journey I realized I can’t change her but I can change me; with God’s help and the advice from you all, I may have a shot. I want to change that even if she continues to not like me but at least in my part we can be cordial for the sake of my husband’s family but most of all to do God’s will.

I was reminded of this scripture today If you have faith…., you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there” it will move.  Matt. 17:20-21 NIV