Well, I have been a roller coaster ride and it’s just coming to an end, soon with God’s help and blessings. I’ve been ill with an infection that I have been battling for 2 months and I’ve been going back and forth to the Emergency Room. Next week I go and see a new doctor and hopefully shed some light to this infection that has consume my energy and my health. I’ve had fever for almost the entire month of December and brought my energy level to a low.
I didn’t even feel like getting on the computer, much less to my blog. I’m feeling better these days and ready to kick this infection and move on with my health and get to the energetic me. I have to admit, which is bizarre; I’ve been my best (behavior wise) than I ever have in my entire life. What the devil meant for evil, God overturned it for good. It’s been a high price to pay because I’ve been in so much pain but I feel, slowly but surely I’m becoming a better person. I give God all the honor and glory for this, now don’t get me wrong I’m still very far from being the woman I desire to be but I’ve moved 2 steps forward when I felt like I was spiraling down very fast even when I was blogging.
Blogging was the hardest thing I have ever done because I’m not one to put my self out there, my bad behavior was something I was willing to show you than vulnerability. I would absorb any bad behavior with my sour childhood as a free ride. I would use this with the attitude “feel sorry for me, look at what I’ve been through.” Just so that we’re clear, you may see some of my writings towards the past because I’ve been using this excuse for too long that it has almost become a very bad habit (like drugs) and I want to push through that and this journey may take longer than 123 days. I believe this journey will be my lifelong journey and I want to continue to take consequences for my own actions that I put myself in and not as an excuse.
My apologies to you my brothers and sisters for being stubborn but I thank you all for your prayers and thanks for being there for me because in my life people stay away from me and the more the would deny me the more I was this jagged pill to swallow. When I started to blog, I opened myself like I never have before without pity, without manipulation…….me in the raw. This was the first for me and to be totally honest w/o judgment. THANKS!