not one of my best days

Well, I have been a roller coaster ride and it’s just coming to an end, soon with God’s help and blessings.  I’ve been ill with an infection that I have been battling for 2 months and I’ve been going back and forth to the Emergency Room.  Next week I go and see a new doctor and hopefully shed some light to this infection that has consume my energy and my health.  I’ve had fever for almost the entire month of December and brought my energy level to a low.

I didn’t even feel like getting on the computer, much less to my blog.  I’m feeling better these days and ready to kick this infection and move on with my health and get to the energetic me.  I have to admit, which is bizarre; I’ve been my best (behavior wise) than I ever have in my entire life.  What the devil meant for evil, God overturned it for good.  It’s been a high price to pay because I’ve been in so much pain but I feel, slowly but surely I’m becoming a better person.  I give God all the honor and glory for this, now don’t get me wrong I’m still very far from being the woman I desire to be but I’ve moved 2 steps forward when I felt like I was spiraling down very fast even when I was blogging.

From shameful to humbled

Blogging was the hardest thing I have ever done because I’m not one to put my self out there, my bad behavior was something I was willing to show you than vulnerability.  I would absorb any bad behavior with my sour childhood as a free ride.  I would use this with the attitude “feel sorry for me, look at what I’ve been through.”  Just so that we’re clear, you may see some of my writings towards the past because I’ve been using this excuse for too long that it has almost become a very bad habit (like drugs) and I want to push through that and this journey may take longer than 123 days.  I believe this journey will be my lifelong journey and I want to continue to take consequences for my own actions that I put myself in and not as an excuse.

My apologies to you my brothers and sisters for being stubborn but I thank you all for your prayers and thanks for being there for me because in my life people stay away from me and the more the would deny me the more I was this jagged pill to swallow.  When I started to blog, I opened myself like I never have before without pity, without  manipulation…….me in the raw.  This was the first for me and to be totally honest w/o judgment.  THANKS!

God sees the beauty in us all.


7 thoughts on “Apologies

  1. I had been wondering what happened to you until I saw your comment on my blog. Sorry you had to go through all this, but you’re right – God can and will use anything. Glad you’re on the mend. Praying for your continued recovery.

  2. Glad your back! Your post shows that you are growing and admiting our weaknesses to others is never an easy thing to do. I’m proud of you my sister! God is amazing how He turns everything for good to those who love Him. Get well and God bless!

    • You are absolutely correct. Thank you so very much for the nomination. I saw it yesterday and was overwhelmed with emotions. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Blessings to you as well.

    • Thank you I am feeling better, the fever comes and goes but this is the first time in a month that I’ve been able to move around on my own. Keep me in prayer for Monday, going to see a specialist to determine the severity of the infection. The top pic is my doggie when he was 8 weeks old, he is now 7 yrs old.

  3. I am so glad to hear from you. You came to my mind the other day and I realized you had not posted in quite a while. I am sure it was God. So sorry about what your dealing with; I too have been sick with something; a throat infection; I blogged about it! I am better but still blowing my nose! There is something to being sick that knocks the pride out of a person and either sends them running toward God or they become bitter. I spent about 6-8 years sick. It was the hardest time of my life; but I found God around every turn of it. Be well dear friend! Glad your back!

    • Yes, I am feeling a lot better, still having a fever and nausea but now I have the strength to get up. Thank you Jesus! I am so sorry for the illness you had to endure for many years, I’m very happy that you are doing better. Thank you so very much for your warm wishes. Blessings to you my dear friend.

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